How to Leave Diet Culture When Your Family Is Still In It
How to Leave Diet Culture When Your Family Is Still In It
Written by Ryan Steinberg, MSW Clinical Intern & reviewed by Lily Thrope, LCSW
What is diet culture?
Diet culture refers to the beliefs we absorb from our environment about food, bodies, and weight. It teaches us that thinness is something we should all strive for and is associated with being healthier or more attractive. These ideas are misleading and can create unhealthy expectations around food and our bodies.
Diet culture includes the feelings and attitudes we develop around dieting from those we surround ourselves with. Just like a religious or community culture, diet culture can become a shared perspective that shapes what people believe about eating, health, and what our bodies should look like. These cultural norms have been reinforced through the media and passed down across generations, continuing to shape the way we think and feel about our bodies.
Do you think you’ve heard any of this talk in your own home? Believe it or not, many people have been exposed to these conversations and comments more often than they may realize. A parent saying, “I need to lose weight” after looking in the mirror or labeling certain foods as “good” and “bad” at the dinner table are both ways diet culture can show up in everyday family life. Has a relative ever commented to you about another person’s weight? Or have you ever been told you look thinner as a compliment? These seemingly harmless comments are also examples of how diet culture can make its way into the home.
Some other ways diet culture may show up in families include:
Restricting food before or after family events/dinners
Feeling pressure to clean your plate, or being praised for eating less
Comparing bodies between family members
Family members dieting together
Frequently discussing new diets
Passing down messages about food, weight, and bodies from one generation to the next
Growing Up With a Mom Who Dieted
Most children grow up looking to their parents as examples, which can include eating patterns and body image. Diet culture doesn’t always need to be taught. Simply watching the adults around us can influence how we learn to view food and our bodies. Watching your mom repeatedly diet, restrict certain foods, count calories, weigh herself, or talk negatively about her body can make these behaviors feel normal. Over time, children may begin to inherit similar food rules and patterns.
For example, if mom is constantly talking about wanting to change the way her body looks, this may unintentionally send the message to her child that bodies are something that needs to be fixed. Children can pick up on many of these subtle messages simply through exposure to them at home. Even when these messages aren’t intentional, they can still have an impact, especially because parents are often some of our earliest examples of how to think about food, health, and our appearance.
Why Leaving Feels Like Betrayal
Food is often such a layered aspect of family life. Eating together may be tied to tradition, memories, culture, celebration, and connection. While these are all meaningful parts of family meals, diet talk can frequently become woven into these occasions as well.
Breaking away from diet culture at home can feel scary when everyone around you shares a similar mindset about food. Maybe you feel guilty for eating differently from your family or for developing a mindset that no longer aligns with the rest of the household. You may even feel uncomfortable rejecting conversations surrounding bodies and weight that once felt completely normal.
Sometimes, setting boundaries can feel like a rejection of a parent, as if choosing to do things differently means you no longer respect their opinion. Family members may also become defensive when they realize you no longer share the same beliefs. Even being the only person who isn't participating in the family diet can leave you feeling like the odd one out.
Making this change does not mean rejecting your family. You can still love and respect them while questioning their beliefs about eating, weight, and body image. Leaving diet culture doesn’t have to mean leaving your traditions behind. It can mean experiencing them in a new way that allows you to feel more connected and less focused on all the food noise that comes with them. Look at this as a step toward changing your relationship with food, not your relationship with your family.
How to Step Out Without Cutting Off Your Family
Your family does not need to agree with you for you to change your relationship with diet culture. The hope is that they can understand and respect that you are developing your own opinions and values. It may feel tempting to correct every diet culture comment a family member makes, but remember that many of these beliefs may be deeply ingrained in them, too. Don’t make your goal to change everyone else’s beliefs; this is something you are doing for yourself!
To support your own journey, think about the conversations that may specifically trigger you. Weight comments? Calorie talk? Discussions about diets? Comments about what you’re eating? Boundaries can be communicated simply by saying something like, “I’d prefer not to talk about…” It’s also important to permit yourself to enjoy family meals, holidays, and traditions without following the food rules that may be attached to them.
Look for support beyond your family when they can’t provide it. More people can relate to navigating these dynamics in their own families than you may realize. Surrounding yourself with people who have a more neutral and flexible relationship with food can help normalize the new mindset you’re trying to build. You can belong to your family without inheriting every belief they hold.
Grieving the Family You Wish You Had
As you step away from diet culture, you may start thinking about how you wish food and body conversations had looked different growing up. Maybe you wish you had learned to trust your body rather than feeling like you needed to change it. While we can’t alter what has already happened in the past, we can reflect on it, learn from it, and decide what we want to carry forward.
Beyond body grief, there may also be grief surrounding your family. Maybe you wish eating had been modeled differently for you as a child, or that weight wasn’t such a frequent topic of conversation. Recognizing what you wish had been different doesn’t mean your entire childhood or family relationship was bad. You can appreciate all that your family has provided for you while also acknowledging what you wish you had received differently.
It’s important to understand that love and disappointment can exist at the same time. The same goes for love and boundaries: you can deeply love someone while deciding that certain conversations are no longer healthy for you.
Your healing does not have to depend on receiving validation from your family. Instead, try to find acceptance in how much you’ve grown and what you’ve learned along the way. You may not be able to change what you grew up hearing, but you can choose your relationship with food, body image, and diet culture moving forward.
How Thrope Therapy Helps
Resonate with this blog post? Luckily, you don’t have to navigate these challenges alone. At Thrope Therapy, our goal is to help you work through your personal experiences with disordered eating patterns while also understanding the environment and relationships that may influence them. We believe there is no single path to recovery, and we’ll work with you to create an individualized approach that feels right for you.
Together, we can help you rediscover a relationship with yourself, food, and your body that feels more comfortable and less influenced by outside expectations. No recovery process is linear, but we’re here to meet you where you are and support you every step of the way toward what recovery looks like for you.
Beyond individualized recovery support, Lily Thrope, LCSW, and Chelsea Levy, MS, RD, have come together to create the Recovery Supper Club. This support group was designed to remind you that you aren’t alone in your experience with disordered eating. The monthly, in-person gathering aims to bridge the gap between recovery and life after treatment, offering a supportive space to explore what feels right for you as you move forward. Rather than feeling like you have to jump right back into the environments where challenges may have started, the Recovery Supper Club gives you a place to connect with others, continue building confidence, and navigate this next stage of your journey at your own pace.
