Featured In: ‘Spicy’ Books Like ‘Heated Rivalry’ Are Everywhere. Your Teen Might Want To Read Them.
Lily was featured on Huffington Post:
‘Spicy’ Books Like ‘Heated Rivalry’ Are Everywhere. Your Teen Might Want To Read Them.
Your teen may already have picked up books like “Heated Rivalry.” Here’s how to not freak out about it.
“In the era of BookTok, there’s no doubt that “spicy” books are seemingly everywhere. Whether it’s romcoms, romantasy, historical romance, and more, spicy titles often reign supreme on many readers’ FYPs.
Of course, spicy (or sexually graphic) books have existed way before TikTokwas a thing; older generations can likely recall “bodice-rippers” and mass market paperbacks that could be purchased at the drugstore. But in the digital age, access to book recommendations is easier than ever for all of us — and that includes teens.
If you’re a parent or caregiver of a teen reader, they may have come across spicy novels either on their social media feed (ones like “Heated Rivalry” are hard to miss) or right in the bookstore. They very well could be reading them, too. There’s a variety of reactions parents might find themselves having to this scenario, but it’s important to keep in mind that there are many reasons teens could be drawn to these types of books. (And, if we’re being honest, many of us can probably remember reading “spicy” books in secret as teens ourselves.)
When "spicy" romance novels become mainstream pop culture, parents don't need to freak out.
We turned to some experts to learn more about how to talk to teens about their reading choices, what questions to ask and how to approach these discussions with a sense of compassion, rather than shame.
Understand Why Teens May Want To Read ‘Spicy’ Books
One major reason why young people are drawn to books containing sexual scenes is simple: pure curiosity. “As children undergo puberty and related hormonal changes, it makes sense they will be curious about sexual content,” Emily Edlynn, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of “Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent, Confident Children,” and the Parent Smarter, Not Harder Substack, told HuffPost.
Just as adults sometimes read books as a way to escape reality and explore something new, so do teens. For young people who are curious about intimacy but aren’t ready to experience it themselves, books can be a safe avenue to navigate those feelings.
“The teenage [years] are a time of exploration, curiosity, and trying to make sense of a world they’re still figuring out,” Lily Thrope, founder of Thrope Therapy LCSW PLLC, told HuffPost. “Books that include romantic or sexual content often offer a way to explore experiences they haven’t had yet, like love, intimacy, desire, vulnerability, and connection in a private, low-risk way.”
It’s worth keeping in mind, too, that we’re in the midst of an age where sex education in schools is wildly inconsistent across the country and doesn’t often include topics like birth control access, consent or helpful information geared toward LGBTQIA+ teens. And while books aren’t always the means for delivering that information, many romance novels are sex-positive, depict enthusiastic consent and have queer-inclusive characters that discuss protection, STIs, and sexual health.
Finally, it’s also important to note that a teen’s interest in “spicy” books might not just be about the sex scenes, but could also be about the emotions and feelings that are found within the pages.
“Just as a science fiction novel might explore big philosophical questions, ‘spicy’ romance novels often explore themes around relationships,” Thrope said. “For many teens, the interest isn’t only about sex itself, but about understanding relationships and what it means to be wanted, connected, desired or loved.”
What To Do If Your Teen Is Reading ‘Spicy’ Novels
If you learn that your teen is reading books with sexual content geared toward adult readers, it’s worth pausing before responding at all.
“Before reacting, it helps to check in with your own discomfort or triggers and to take some time to understand what the book actually contains,” New York University Professor and co-founder of the Nested Institute for Families and podcast host of “Parenting Understood,” Erin O’Connor, told HuffPost. “Confiscating the book is rarely effective and often pushes the behavior underground, increasing secrecy rather than understanding.”
This can be tricky, as parents and caregivers are also responsible for keeping their teens safe. “Part of that involves considering the psychological and emotional impact of adult content on a teenager, while also helping them develop appropriate boundaries and guardrails,” Thrope said. Knowing when a circumstance demands parent-driven boundaries can be challenging, especially when trying to permit a teen their independence and give them room to figure out who they are.
The key, then, is to approach this topic with curiosity, empathy, and compassion. Act as an information-seeker rather than a judge. “Ask what [your teen] finds interesting or meaningful about the story, rather than assuming their interpretation matches your own,” advised O’Connor. “This creates an opening for conversation about how a character’s experiences connect to your teen’s own life.”
Another helpful strategy? Consider reading the books your teen is reading. “Reading some of the content can help a caregiver better assess whether it feels appropriate for their teen’s age, maturity and emotional readiness,” said Thrope, pointing out that sometimes, the parent may feel comfortable with their teen continuing to read these books while also having conversations to process the content together.
Other times, though, a parent may decide that the book should be saved for when a teen is a bit older. “There’s no way to predict exactly how this content will impact any individual teen, but maintaining open, curious conversations plays an important protective role,” Thrope added. “When teens feel safe talking, they’re less likely to feel the need to hide.”
Conversation Starters To Consider
It’s entirely understandable if you’re having trouble kicking off this dialogue, particularly if you didn’t grow up with open conversations around sex with your own parents. Our experts have suggested a handful of dialogue starters to help you broach this topic with your teens.
From O’Connor:
“I noticed you’re reading [Book Title]. I’ve heard that one has some pretty intense/adult themes. What do you think of the relationship between the characters so far?”
“If you ever come across something in a book that feels weird, uncomfortable, or just confusing, you can always talk to me about it without getting in trouble.”
From Thrope:
“What do you find interesting about that book?”
“How did you discover it? What drew you to it?”
“What parts of the book feel realistic, and what doesn’t?”
“What have you noticed about the relationships in the story?”
“How do you usually feel after reading? Curious, uncomfortable, excited, neutral?”
“What feels hardest to talk about when it comes to relationships or sex?”
From Edlynn:
“I noticed you’re reading X book. How is it?”
“I know there are some steamy love scenes — what’s that like for you to read?”
If your teen appears uncomfortable, you can add: “I know it’s awkward to talk about sex with your parents, but I’m here to answer any questions that come up. Just know that having sex is a normal part of healthy relationships, and I do hope what you’re reading shows healthy sexual relationships. If you ever get uncomfortable, it’s totally OK to skip that part.”
The Importance Of Talking Without Shaming
When it comes to discussing sex with teens, it’s important to keep shame out of the conversation. Again, this can be understandably difficult for some parents who might have been raised in households where open communication about this topic was not common, or caregivers who grew up with shameful messages surrounding sex.
Those associations can be challenging to break, but doing so will give teens the space to ask questions and make healthy choices themselves. “We know from research that open communication about sex… actually relates to less risk, including later ages for first sexual experiences,” said Edlynn. “The best thing we can do for our kids is remove the shame so they can ask more questions, get better information, and seek out healthier relationships.”
It’s also worth noting that many teens are simply just curious about sex and not necessarily having experiences themselves — and that curiosity is a developmentally appropriate part of their lives. “If we treat the topic of sex as shameful, [teens] often internalize that as their identity being shameful,” O’Connor pointed out. “Discussing these themes openly helps them decouple their natural curiosity from feelings of guilt, leading to higher self-esteem and better decision-making in the future.”
So, You’re Still Uncomfortable... What Next?
Not all parents will feel that their teens are developmentally mature enough to read adult content, and that’s OK. You know your child best, and at the end of the day, it’s important to trust your gut.
You may feel conflicted because you also want your teen to read. Developing a love of books is a positive thing, and you don’t want to shut that down. Our experts suggested redirecting that interest to content that feels more age-appropriate. “Start by figuring out what themes or story elements your teen is drawn to,” said O’Connor. “It might be romance, suspense, emotional intensity, or morally complex characters. From there, you can guide them toward ‘look-alike’ genres or titles that explore similar themes in more age-appropriate ways.”
O’Connor mentioned resources like Common Sense Media or bookstagram accounts that focus on YA titles, or simply asking a librarian or bookseller for assistance. “Librarians are often also especially skilled at suggesting ‘bridge’ books that meet a teen’s curiosity and emotional maturity while staying within a caregiver’s comfort zone.”
It’s still important to keep the lines of communication open, so your teen understands the reasons behind these boundaries and that they will likely change over time. “These boundaries are about assessing readiness, not labeling a topic as good or bad, right or wrong,” Thrope said. “Including your teen in the conversation and collaborating on guidelines whenever possible can reduce power struggles and secrecy. The goal is not perfection, but openness. Avoid shaming language, stay curious, and keep the focus on helping your teen feel supported, safe and connected — even when you’re holding a limit.””
