Talking to Yourself the Way You’d Talk to a Child
Talking to Yourself the Way You’d Talk to a Child
Written by Lily Thrope
Many of us are far harsher on ourselves than we would ever dream of being toward someone we love. We might replay mistakes, criticize our bodies, or pressure ourselves to “do better” in a way that leaves little room for compassion. But what if you spoke to yourself the way you’d talk to a child, or even your younger self?
This shift in self-talk isn’t just about being “nicer” to yourself. It’s a powerful tool for healing, self-esteem, and emotional regulation.
Why We Struggle With Harsh Self-Talk
From an early age, we internalize voices, parents, teachers, peers, and cultural messages, that shape how we speak to ourselves. Over time, these messages can become our inner critic, repeating phrases like:
“You’re not good enough.”
“You should have known better.”
“You’ll never measure up.”
The problem is that this critical voice doesn’t motivate us, it often leaves us feeling smaller, stuck, and ashamed.
The Child Perspective
Imagine a five-year-old who spilled a cup of juice. Would you yell, “You’re so stupid!”? Probably not. You’d say something more like, “It’s okay, accidents happen. Let’s clean it up together.”
Now, imagine you made a mistake at work, missed a deadline, or snapped at a loved one. That inner critic might rush in with shaming words. But what would happen if you responded the way you would to that child, with patience, understanding, and care?
This practice helps you connect to your inner child, the part of you that still longs for safety, gentleness, and unconditional love.
How to Practice Talking to Yourself Like a Child
Here are a few ways to bring this practice into your daily life:
1. Pause and Notice the Tone
When you catch a critical thought, ask yourself: Would I say this to a child I care about? If the answer is no, reframe it with gentleness.
2. Use Child-Friendly Language
Simple, supportive phrases often work best. Examples:
“You tried your best.”
“It’s okay to rest.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“You don’t have to be perfect to be loved.”
3. Visualize Your Younger Self
Find a photo of yourself as a child. When you’re struggling, imagine talking to that version of you. What would they need to hear in this moment?
4. Practice Daily Reparenting
Small rituals, like saying “Good morning, I’m glad you’re here” in the mirror or “You did enough today” before bed, can build new, nurturing pathways in the brain.
The Science Behind Self-Compassion
Psychological research shows that self-compassion reduces anxiety, increases resilience, and improves overall wellbeing. When we replace harsh self-talk with supportive language, we activate the brain’s soothing system rather than its threat response.
In other words, talking to yourself kindly isn’t indulgent, it’s regulating your nervous system, supporting healing, and strengthening your emotional health.
Reflection Prompts
What are the phrases your inner critic says most often?
What would you say instead if you were speaking to a child you love?
How can you begin offering those words to yourself this week?
Healing self-talk takes practice. The inner critic may not disappear overnight, but each time you choose compassion over criticism, you re-train your mind to create safety within.
At Thrope Therapy, we help clients explore inner child work, reparenting, and self-compassion as tools for growth and healing. If you’d like support in your journey, schedule a free 15-minute consultation or email us at hello@thropetherapy.com.
