What to Do on Bad Body Image Days: A Mindful, Compassionate Approach to Eating Disorder Recovery
What to Do on Bad Body Image Days: A Mindful, Compassionate Approach to Eating Disorder Recovery
Written by Lily Thrope
We all have days when looking in the mirror feels heavy, when body image thoughts creep in and shift how we feel about ourselves. These moments can be frustrating, emotional, and disorienting. These body image thoughts don’t have to define our day or derail our relationship with ourselves. One of the main goals of healing from body image distress is discovering that these thoughts can come up quickly and can also pass quickly. It is possible to release the tension and stress around the difficult thoughts and move forward with a more positive relationship with your body.
In the difficult moments, I offer a powerful option for clients to try: pause, breathe, and reframe what’s happening. These three steps can lead to relief as you practice them in each difficult moment. In my work with clients, I often talk about what it means to navigate hard body image days, not bad ones, and how to move through those moments with mindfulness, curiosity, and compassion. Calling the day a “bad” body image day does not really get at the nuance and complexity of the relationship to the body.
Step One: Reframe “Bad” Body Image Days
Language shapes our experience and our relationship with our body is no exception to this. When we label it a bad body image day, we attach judgment and failure to it. We often create a story or narrative around the difficult feeling that might be coming up. The feeling is valid, the story and narrative often are not true. We internalize the idea that something is wrong with us and that we are doing something wrong. This can be part of a deeper core narrative that we have about ourselves.
Instead of labeling it a “bad” body image day, I invite clients to reframe it as a hard body image moment. It’s a small shift, but it opens up space for acceptance and grace. It acknowledges the experience without assigning blame or shame. It also allows space to connect to the emotion that might be coming up, is it sadness, is it grief, is it joy, when we can connect with our emotions we are one step closer to healing our relationship with our body.
Our relationship with our bodies is dynamic and nuanced. Feelings change, sometimes within minutes or seconds. Have you ever thought of something really sad and then seen a video of a cute baby animal, this can shift your emotions quickly and sometimes without you even realizing the shift. By recognizing that these feelings and thoughts are temporary, we can use mindfulness to ride the wave rather than feeling consumed by it. See our article here where we discuss urge surfing, a mindfulness strategy that is effective for body image too.
Step Two: Observe Without Judgment
Once we’ve named the emotion and hard moment for what it is, the next step is to observe it, without judgment. I know you might be thinking, but Lily what does that even mean?
I encourage clients to ask themselves a few grounding questions:
Is this thought a fact or a feeling? If it is a feeling, look at the feelings wheel and identify which one it is.
What evidence do I have that supports or challenges this thought?
Can I get curious about which part of me is showing up with this feeling or thought?
This practice draws from Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapeutic model that explores the different parts of ourselves that show up in various situations. Often, a younger or more vulnerable part of us is seeking reassurance or a part is trying to protect us. When we approach that part of ourselves with curiosity and kindness rather than criticism and judgment, we create more space for soothing and caretaking. Suppressed emotions show up in some way, and often the feelings will show up in our thoughts or behaviors. Getting curious is huge for healing. A reminder that my favorite definition of Mindfulness is, “Mindfulness is paying attention to your life, here and now, with kindness and curiosity” -Amy Saltzman
Step Three: Speak a New Language of Self-Compassion
Unfortunately, many of us are fluent in self-criticism. We know how to judge ourselves, pick apart our appearance, and internalize unrealistic standards. We can wax poetic about our flaws and negative stories but have a hard time hearing any positive narrative in our heads. Self-compassion is a totally new language to learn for most, but just like any foreign language, it can be learned with practice. Eventually you will tune into the positive voice just as quickly as you would the negative one.
Here are a few tips to start your self-compassion language learning:
Start small:
Offer yourself kind words when body image thoughts surface or just offer kind words daily. While you are brushing your teeth is a great way to start this habit.
Use affirmations that focus on respect and acceptance, not appearance and offer them to yourself daily
Remind yourself that all feelings, especially hard ones, are valid and temporary. Start to identify the emotions, this gets easier for time.
Learning to speak to yourself with gentleness and empathy can transform your inner dialogue and soften the intensity of those hard moments.
Step Four: Let the Feelings Move
Just as clouds move across the sky, body image emotions are not fixed. They pass especially when we stop resisting them.
The more we allow ourselves to feel without judging, the more we create a sense of emotional safety. That safety opens the door to other feelings: gratitude, confidence, even joy.
The goal isn’t to feel great about your body every moment of every day. The goal is to relate to your body in a way that honors its complexity and your humanity.
Healing your relationship with your body is not about reaching a final destination it’s about learning how to show up for yourself, especially on the hard days. It’s about practicing grace, observing your thoughts with care, and choosing compassion, even when it's uncomfortable.
Yesterday I was in NYC and I went shopping. I was reminded that even I, an Eating Disorder therapist can have hard feelings about my body. A sales associate looked at a size small pants and said these look “huge” and that I should size down. This comment made me question my body when the size that fit me was extra-large. Thankfully I know the language of self-compassion and I was able to have a short moment in the dressing room where I thought negatively about my body, but it did not last and it did not cause me to change my behavior. I went on with my day and enjoyed time with friends and NYC pizza slice from Joe’s IYKYK.
The big win here is that I did not make meaning of the negative emotion and thought that I had. I did not connect it to a bigger theme and start a negative narrative. The positive narrative showed up right when I needed it most. The more you practice this positive internal voice the more it will show up for you.
If this resonates with you, exploring tools like Internal Family Systems can be a transformative next step. You deserve to feel safe in your body and supported in your healing.
If you want to learn more about how to handle bad body image days or get started with eating disorder recovery in New York, consider speaking to a professional. Feel free to reach out to us at Thrope Therapy and schedule your free 15 minute consultation with one of the eating disorder therapists on our team. You can email us with any questions or inquiries at hello@thropetherapy.com. We look forward to hearing from you!
