Featured In: How To Support A Loved One Who Is Struggling With An Eating Disorder
Lily was featured on Medium and spoke about supporting loved ones with eating disorders:
“Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions that affect millions worldwide, transcending age, gender, and cultural boundaries. They are not simply about food but involve a range of psychological, physical, and social issues. Supporting a loved one through this struggle can be challenging, requiring understanding, patience, and knowledge of the right approaches to truly make a difference.
In this series, we aim to shed light on the most effective ways to offer support, understanding, and hope to those battling an eating disorder. We are talking to psychologists, nutritionists, doctors, therapists, and survivors, who can provide valuable perspectives on nurturing recovery, fostering resilience, and promoting healthy relationships with food and body image. As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Lily Thrope.
Lily Thrope is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Founder of Thrope Therapy LCSW PLLC, a boutique private practice located in NYC. Lily and her team specialize in working with clients who are struggling with eating disorders, body image, self-esteem, anxiety and depression. Lily is passionate about helping people heal and learn to thrive with their emotions. Lily is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor and works from an anti-diet and weight inclusive lens to support her clients in recovery. Lily has lived experience with an eating disorder and depression and is most passionate about helping others along their recovery journey. She built Thrope Therapy LCSW PLLC as a practice that she needed herself as a young person. Thrope Therapy’s mission is to provide expert care to those seeking therapy.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
Asa young person I had a tough time with my mental health. Starting in fifth grade I noticed that I was experiencing things that my friends were not. I would later learn that I struggled with depression and negative self-esteem. In my teen years this developed into an eating disorder. The experiences I had with mental health led me to be passionate and interested in helping others heal from their own mental health struggles. During my time in college I studied to become a physical therapist and felt passionate about the physical healing journey. Unfortunately, in my junior year I realized that physical therapy was not the path for me and I switched my major to philosophy, taking an interest in ethics. I figured out that Social Work was a great path for me and applied to masters programs. While I was attending NYU for my Master of Social Work I also started to get real help for my eating disorder and began my path towards recovery. During this time I became passionate about working with eating disorders. I decided to learn all I could about how to help others recover and became a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. When I started my private practice in 2021 I knew I wanted to have a focus on eating disorder work and build a team that is passionate about working with eating disorders.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
This quote is very special to me. It is a quote from my grandmother who lived to 101 years. When asked how she lived so long she said, “I did everything wrong and it turned out right.” I love this quote because it is a reminder that sometimes beating your own drum and being able to think and choose for yourself is the most empowering thing. My grandmother embodied confidence in herself and her choices, whether they aligned with mainstream ideas or not. She always lived her life in a way that she chose and wanted. I try to keep this quote in mind daily in my choices.
My grandmother’s quote reminds me to pay less attention to what others think of me. I can focus more on my own goals, values and dreams when I am not worrying about what others think of me. In running my own business I have had to stand proudly, and promote something I am passionate about. If there are people judging me then that is ok with me.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
Recovery Supper Club! This is my passion project that came out of a direct need for services that were lacking in my field. There is no in-person support for eating disorders in NYC right now. One of my clients in particular was feeling isolated and alone after leaving treatment for her eating disorder. In our session I said to her, let’s start a dinner club and see what happens. In my mind I thought, what is the worst that can happen, we will have a nice meal support together and move on. As we started developing the idea for Recovery Supper Club, I knew I wanted to bring on a dietitian to support the mission. Chelsea Levy joined me to start our very own Recovery Supper Club. This dinner is a safe haven from diet-talk, food shame and people talking about weight loss. I hear so often that people struggle to eat meals with family, friends and colleagues due to the insane amount of comments made about food before, during and after the meal (I won’t list the comments made, but I am sure a few popped into your head as you read that.) Unfortunately, comments about bodies and food are so normalized that some people don’t even realize they are harming others by making them.
Recovering into a larger body is also a unique struggle that I see my clients facing. As someone who has recovered into a larger body, I am really living what I help clients work on. I am showing that a full life can be possible even if you are not in the smallest body possible. In my larger body I have been able to run a successful business, run a half marathon, create a loving partnership and have amazing friends. Building a life I really love and want to be a part of happened when I stopped trying to control every aspect of my life and accepted recovery.
According to this study cited by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, at least 30 million people in the U.S. of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder. Can you suggest 3–5 reasons why this has become such a critical issue recently?
There are so many factors that contribute to the rise in eating disorders. Right now I think there are a few key reasons that the rates of eating disorders are increasing. The rise in social media and editing apps. Social media poses an interesting challenge. Young people are bombarded with images and messages about how bodies “should” look and how they can “get” those bodies by following tips from a person who might be naturally thin and does not know the nuances of their followers’ individual health. There are many content creators that do not have credentials in nutrition or exercise promoting extreme changes to pursue thinness. These content creators might have their own eating disorders and not realize it, or they simply do not have the training to understand the risk factors their posts present.
As people are bombarded with constant images of the thin ideal on social media due to beauty filters, their body image and self-image is negatively impacted. Comparison to images that are edited has always been an issue with magazines and websites, but with social media there is an illusion that these are real people posting real photos. The issue lies in the lack of acknowledgement of the editing. The images are a lot more prevalent and constant. Skinnytok is a tiktok trend that focuses on people promoting extreme thinness and can lead to body dissatisfaction and disordered eating habits in young users. There are research projects that are starting to look at the impact of trends like this one on social media and other platforms.
Another factor is the lack of control that people feel in our current world. Eating disorders can derive from a desire to feel in control. It can feel like a relief to control one aspect of your life, like your food intake or the way your body looks. This attempt at control can be addicting and alluring to people who feel out of control or perceive themselves as powerless in most of their life. This can be particularly an issue for teens or young adults who are still reliant on their parents and do not have independence. When someone is struggling with an eating disorder, it often can feel like everything is under control and therefore it is good. Too much control or too little control can be problematic. People often experience relief from other mental health symptoms while in their eating disorder because it can be a distraction or a suppression of anxiety, depression and other diagnoses. This is another reason it is really hard to choose recovery. As recovery begins, a lot of the emotions that were suppressed come back to the surface and need to be tended to. This is ultimately a positive thing but can feel really difficult in the moment.
The rise of GLP-1 medications for weight loss and the marketing around use of GLP-1s for weight loss also contribute to the rise in eating disorders. The narrative that body size is the fault of the individual is a tried and true narrative that has been used for many years in marketing for weight loss companies. We have seen this rinse and repeat cycle of weight loss companies continuing to change and adapt their marketing to fit the newest scheme. The research on weight states that weight cycling is actually worse for health than maintaining a higher body weight. The research also shows that attempts at weight loss from a place of shame and judgement are not effective and lead to more weight gain in the long term. https://www.nature.com/articles/ijo2011160https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10584040/ The blame placed on individuals for their body shape and size is a lazy way to approach physical health and lacks the nuance to really understand each individual body.
Based on your insight, what concrete steps can a) individuals, b) corporations, c) communities and d) leaders do to address the core issues that are leading to this problem?
a) Individuals
Challenge internalized diet culture and learn more about the nuances of eating disorders
Practice media literacy — Question the messages behind images, ads, and influencer content. Remember social media is a representation of a curated image and is not representative of reality. Consume media consciously and unfollow accounts that make you feel badly. Try to follow accounts that uplift you.
Talk about body image openly. Normalize conversations around body discomfort and mental health
Notice your own language about bodies. Be mindful not to comment on others’ bodies or eating habits. Also be aware of your comments about yourself. Kids and teens pick up on their parents’ feelings about their own bodies and can be negatively impacted by this.
Get support to learn more about eating disorders and unpack some of your own beliefs about bodies and food. If you’re struggling with body image, disordered eating or an eating disorder, seek professional help from a therapist or dietitian with eating disorder expertise.
Show up authentically on social media. Posts that are messy and authentic are more relatable and break up the curated feed. I encourage individuals to try to show up as authentically as they can on social media.
b) Corporations
End weight-based discrimination in health care and employment. Implement inclusive hiring practices and provide equitable health benefits, including eating disorder treatment.
Reconsider advertising and branding practices. Be more creative and inclusive of different body types when representing success, beauty, or health. Show diverse bodies in all forms of media.
Notice the impact of algorithms. Research the impact of how algorithms may prioritize thin, idealized content and suppress fat creator content.
Offer employee training on body image, bias, and mental health to reduce stigma in the workplace.
Have inclusive seating options for all body types in offices, theaters, auditoriums etc.
c) Communities
Implement eating disorder and body image education. Teach kids to value their bodies for what they do, not how they look. Introduce body diversity early and share lived experience of people in larger bodies and people in recovery.
Create safe spaces and normalize seeking support as a strength. Offer support groups or workshops for people recovering from eating disorders or navigating body image issues.
Reject diet culture in wellness efforts. Promote intuitive eating and joyful movement over weight loss challenges or restrictive programs.
Partner with local experts. Invite therapists, activists, and dietitians to speak and educate the community.
Participate in local awareness efforts for eating disorders like the National Eating Disorder Awareness walk or other events.
d) Leaders
Advocate for policy change. Support legislation that mandates insurance coverage for eating disorder treatment and prohibits weight-based discrimination.
Use influence responsibly. Avoid promoting diets, body “transformations,” or weight loss fads. Use your platform to model inclusivity.
Invest in public health messaging that aims at understanding the impact of eating disorders. Fund campaigns that promote body diversity, mental health, and critical media literacy.
Elevate BIPOC, fat, disabled, and queer individuals in body image and eating disorder advocacy spaces. Learn from people with lived experience in recovery from eating disorders across the spectrum of diagnoses.
As you know, one of the challenges of an eating disorder is the harmful,and dismissive sentiment of “why can’t you just control yourself”. What do you think needs to be done to make it apparent that an eating disorder is an illness just like heart disease or schizophrenia?
This type of comment “Why can’t you just control yourself?” is not only hurtful, but also deeply dismissive of the reality of living with an eating disorder. Any question that begins with “Why can’t you just…” reveals a fundamental misunderstanding of how mental illness works. It suggests that recovery is a matter of willpower or personal failure when, in fact, eating disorders are complex psychiatric illnesses with psychological, biological, and environmental roots.
For someone struggling with anorexia or a restrictive eating disorder, they might hear: “Why can’t you just eat?”
For someone with binge eating disorder or bulimia, the question often becomes: “Why can’t you just stop?” or “Why can’t you control yourself?”
Both questions ignore the underlying pain, fear, trauma, and dysregulation that drive these behaviors and they reduce a multifaceted illness to a matter of discipline.
Eating disorders, like heart disease or schizophrenia, are not choices. They are not about vanity, weakness, or a lack of control. They are serious, life-threatening conditions that require specialized, compassionate care; not judgment.
To shift this narrative, we need to:
Educate the public about the true nature of eating disorders; not just the symptoms, but the underlying emotional, neurological, and social dynamics.
Train healthcare providers to screen for and recognize EDs across all body sizes, genders, and identities.
Talk openly about mental health with the same seriousness and legitimacy we give to physical illnesses.
Push back on cultural narratives that glorify control, thinness, and self-denial as moral virtues.
The truth is: people don’t choose eating disorders. But with support, they can choose recovery. And that process deserves respect, not shame.
Here is the main question of our interview. Can you please share with our readers 5 ways to support a loved one who is struggling with an eating disorder? If you can, can you share an example from your own experience?
1. Educate Yourself and Examine Your Own Beliefs about Bodies and Food
Eating disorders don’t exist in a vacuum. They are shaped by a culture that equates thinness with worth and health. One of the most powerful things you can do is to educate yourself about eating disorders and how they impact all bodies, and actively unlearn fatphobia in yourself and in the world around you.
This includes changing the way you talk about food, bodies, and health. For example you can practice not labeling foods as “good” or “bad” and you can try to stop commenting on people’s bodies, even if you think the comments are positive. These small shifts build trust and safety for your loved one. Removing the emphasis that you are analyzing bodies constantly can provide support to people struggling with EDs.
We’re all affected by diet culture. Part of being a safe person for someone in recovery is being willing to look inward at your own patterns, beliefs, and behaviors. Are you skipping meals? Talking about your body negatively? Praising weight loss? Even subtle messages can have a huge impact on someone in recovery. Model what it looks like to treat your body with care and compassion even if you’re still figuring that out for yourself.
2. Listen and Provide Empathy
Each person’s experience with an eating disorder is different. You may have seen portrayals in the media or know someone else who struggled, but it’s crucial to listen to each individual’s experience without assuming you already know what they’re going through. Ask open-ended questions and be curious. Let them lead the conversation and believe them when they tell you what’s hard. Practice validating their experiences rather than trying to fix them. Here is a great example of what empathy looks like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
3. Create Community that Supports Recovery
Recovery can be an incredibly isolating experience. If you can create community by bringing together people who are also recovering or recovered, this can be really helpful for your loved one who is recovering. Connect your loved one to support groups and communities that value recovery and understand the unique ups and downs along the way. This is a major reason why I started the Recovery Supper Club. It’s a space where people can come together for a fun dinner where they know that there will not be any food or diet comments and they can experience a meal that isn’t centered around peoples’ current food restrictions or desires for weight loss. If you do not struggle with an ED, you might not realize how frequently meals can be triggering for those in recovery due to the myriad of comments made at the meal. Challenge yourself to not make any food- or body-related comments at meals. You might not even be aware that you are doing this.
4. Celebrate the Small Wins and Stay Through the Hard Moments
Recovery isn’t linear. It’s slow, nonlinear, and sometimes full of setbacks. Show up not just when things look “better,” but also when they are messy. Celebrate small victories: finishing a meal, going to a therapy session, setting a boundary. Let your loved one know that you are there for them through all the different moments of recovery, including the hard, messy ones and the celebratory wins.
5. Get Support for Yourself
Supporting someone through recovery is emotionally taxing, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. I often recommend that loved ones work with a therapist or dietitian who specializes in eating disorders to understand the illness and learn how to offer support that is truly helpful. This not only helps your loved one, it also gives you space to process your own emotions, fears, or confusion.
In my own experience, I have been most impacted by loved ones who have tried to understand eating disorders and are open to challenging their own beliefs. The impact of seeing a parent who, for years, believed deeply in dieting, chooses to let go and accept that their body as it is is powerful, as is watching that parent start to accept and embrace weight fluctuations after years of control and disordered eating. Breaking this generational obsession with thinness at any cost is really meaningful to a person’s recovery. Modeling that the change is okay is powerful. Often in recovery, it feels like you have to give up all that you knew to be true about food, bodies and control. When you have someone beside you who is also willing to let go and change it feels so supportive. I wish more family members could show up for their loved ones in this supportive way.
How do you navigate the balance between offering support and respecting the autonomy of a loved one with an eating disorder?
This is one of the most delicate and important dynamics in supporting someone through an eating disorder. It can be hard to watch a loved one struggle and not jump in with solutions, but offering meaningful support means prioritizing their autonomy while remaining compassionately present.
One of the most important things to do is to listen empathetically and refrain from offering solutions. So often, people with eating disorders are met with assumptions, unsolicited advice or comments like “Just eat,” or “But you look fine,” that, while well-intentioned, can feel minimizing or even harmful. Try to let go of what you think you know about eating disorders and instead focus on the unique experience your loved one is sharing with you. Try your best to understand their individual experience of their eating disorder.
You can ask your loved one some clarifying questions in order to best support them. Questions like ““How can I support you right now? What feels helpful or unhelpful for me to do? Would you like me to just listen, or are you open to ideas?” These questions will help guide your conversation and let you know where their boundaries are. It emphasizes that you honor their agency and signals to them that you are there to support, not to control.
At the same time, recognize that respecting autonomy doesn’t mean stepping back entirely. If your loved one is in serious physical or psychological danger, there may be moments when more active intervention is necessary. That too, though, should be approached with care, ideally in collaboration with professionals. If you’re feeling unsure, working with a therapist who specializes in eating disorders (for yourself or as a family) can be incredibly helpful. It gives you a place to process your own fears and learn how to be present in ways that are sustainable and supportive.
Ultimately, striking this balance means being a steady, nonjudgmental presence and offering empathy, not ultimatums. It’s saying: “I’m here. I trust you. I respect your process. And you’re not alone.”
Is there a message you would like to tell someone who may be reading this, who is currently struggling with an eating disorder?
If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, I want you to hear this: you are not alone, and you deserve more than the narrow, exhausting life that an ED offers you.
Recovery may not feel like the obvious or easy path but, I promise, it’s one of the most courageous and life-changing choices you can make. It’s not linear, and it’s not perfect. But it is possible. And you’re worth every step.
Be gentle with yourself. Take things slow. Give yourself the grace to unlearn, rest, and grow. Surround yourself with people, clinicians, peers, and loved ones who walk with you, not ahead of you. You don’t have to do this alone.
The truth is, recovery doesn’t come with instant rewards. It isn’t glamorous. It’s hard. It means challenging deeply held beliefs about food, bodies, control, beauty, and worth. It means letting go of what once felt safe, even when it hurt you. That’s real, soul-deep work and I see it. I see you.
If you’re in it right now: keep going. I know how much this takes, and I know how much it gives back.
Your life is bigger than this illness. Keep fighting for the freedom that recovery makes possible.
In your experience, what are the most effective strategies for building resilience and a positive self-image in individuals recovering from an eating disorder?
Incorporating flexibility in thinking is essential for building resilience and creating a more positive self-image. Many people struggle with rigid thinking and this can be particularly true for clients with eating disorders. Flexibility can be practiced as a way to increase distress tolerance and emotion regulation. Distress tolerance and emotion regulation are two integral skills for Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) a therapy modality that emphasizes the importance of acceptance and living in the gray area. This can be incredibly helpful when navigating intense emotions towards the self.
Mindfulness is also a key skill for building a more positive relationship with one’s self. My favorite definition of mindfulness is, “Mindfulness is paying attention to your life, here and now, with kindness and curiosity” -Amy Saltzman. I love this definition because it is really simple and easy to follow. All you have to do to practice more mindfulness is tune into the present moment and offer kindness and curiosity. You don’t have to sit for 20 minutes on a meditation pillow to access mindfulness. It is accessible anytime, anywhere! Mindfulness is a foundational skill that can help build resilience.
Another strategy that I love is finding a community that supports and uplifts you. There is so much value in connection and connections are powerful when it comes to our relationship to ourself. For example, one of my favorite types of therapy is Relational Therapy. This relies on the importance of relationships and how they impact an individual’s beliefs about themself and their overall wellbeing. Relationships are very powerful and learning about how certain relationships impact us can be hugely helpful in improving self-image. Community can also help you feel safe and seen. Being seen and held by others is hard to describe. If you have ever been truly accepted and understood by another being you know what I am talking about. This is one of the main reasons that I started Recovery Supper Club. In this monthly dinner group we encourage people to show up, take space and be fully themselves. This is a really powerful concept and we have already seen people benefit from having this space. Support groups can also be impactful in this way.
Values-based work is also a great place to start when working through negative self-image. Becoming clear on what you value most in your most authentic self can help reduce stress around what others think of you. Often we are carrying values that have been imposed on us by family, colleagues, teachers, mentors, friends or society. Once we start to really look at these values we are able to see if we really believe them and find value in them or if they are just there because we were told to value them. I suggest starting with an online values assessment to distill what values you truly hold as important.
Lastly, I would recommend engaging in some sort of body grief work. The relationship we have with ourselves and our body is the longest relationship we will ever have. In relationships, including the one with yourself, there can be grief, disappointment and frustration. Acknowledging these feelings and giving space to work through them can be incredibly helpful in building resilience and a more positive self-image. It is also ok to aim at a neutral self-image and not focus solely on making it positive. This can cause an individual to feel too much pressure. Neutrality is a great goal!
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have helped people with this struggle? Can you explain why you like them?
Food Psych by Christy Harrison and all of her books.
Christy Harrison breaks down so many health myths and presents strong research to prove her points. Her podcast is comprehensive and covers many important topics. She has had thousands of guests on her podcast who all have different expertise in the field. Her book Anti-Diet is an awesome way to learn more about this approach. Christy is very thorough.
Binge Eating Disorder: The Journey to Recovery and Beyond by Amy Pershing and Chevese Turner
Amy and Chevese use the power of storytelling and experience to illustrate what the recovery is like for binge eating disorder. This book is informative and powerful. I really enjoy sharing this book with families who have a teen struggling with binge eating disorder.
https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com/groups/ National Alliance for ED Free support groups
The national alliance has many free ED groups that are run by ED specialists. I like that they have broad groups but also really focused groups. One of my favorites is the group for larger-bodied individuals. Check out their site to find a group that fits what you need.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the largest amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)
The movement I would love to inspire is a major reform around the way we talk about, think about, and teach about health. Health is a complicated and convoluted concept for many and has been interconnected with the pursuit of thinness. The narrative needs to shift. Our society’s current beliefs about health cause harm which could be shifted if we all were able to gently define health for ourselves. Health does not, and never will, have a look. Health can mean so many different things to different people. I challenge you to come up with your own definition of health. If your pursuit of health is causing undue mental stress then is it really a health-promoting behavior? Here is my current working definition of health:
Health is a dynamic state of physical, emotional, and mental well-being, not a fixed destination or a moral obligation.
Health is not defined by body size, weight, or the absence of illness, but by how well a person is able to care for themselves in sustainable, compassionate ways.
Health looks different for everyone and is defined by everyone for themselves. It is influenced by genetics, trauma, access to care, and lived experience, not solely personal behaviors. Rather than striving for perfection or extremes, health is about cultivating balance, connection, and self-trust, honoring what your body and mind need in each moment.
A healthy life is one in which you feel safe enough to rest, nourished enough to function, supported enough to reach out, and free enough to live in your body without shame.
How can our readers continue to follow your work online?
Follow us on instagram @thropetherapylcsw or subscribe to our newsletter by visiting our website. You can also book a free consultation call or networking call with me on our website. Join us for our free monthly dinner group Recovery Supper Club hosted in New York City.
Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!
