New Year’s and the Challenges with Resolutions
The new year can be a time full of many emotions
Hope for what is to come; relief that the holiday season is over; sadness and grief as the holidays serve to remind us of those we have lost; joy to have made it another year around the sun. For most of us, we have been taught to think of the new year as a time to set resolutions. While these resolutions can often indicate the change we are looking to make in our lives, most New Year’s resolutions will not make it past mid-January. Why is that?
You’re not in the right stage of the change process. There are five stages in the change process: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. Change only happens when we are truly ready for change to happen. January 1st is an arbitrary date and most people set resolutions because they feel pressure to do so, not because they are actually ready for the change stage on the same date every year.
Your goals are not aligned with your true values. Most New Year’s resolutions imply that there is something wrong with the way that we are. They encourage us to lose weight, eat less, spend less, pick up a new hobby, get more organized, do more, and be more. The truth is, you are already enough. Everything you are doing is already enough. Ask yourself why you are picking these resolutions. What do they say about who you are, who you want to be, and what you value? Goals set out of self-hate usually don’t last long. Instead, try engaging in a process grounded in things that make you feel good about yourself.
You are focused on the destination. Most resolutions encourage a goal-oriented approach instead of a process-oriented approach. Growth is wonderful, if that is what you are choosing, but the thing about growth is that it takes time. Lasting change does not happen overnight, or in one month, or sometimes even in one year. Try focusing on the beauty of the change process instead of the possibility of a major shift.
Your goals are too abstract. For lasting change to happen, we need small, manageable steps to build up to a goal. If you decided to run a marathon after having not run for 10 years, you wouldn’t start on day one with the intention of running 26 miles. Do you have running shoes? Do you have the proper gear? What route will you take? There are so many steps that go into our goals. Make sure to break your goals down to include every detail needed to achieve this goal.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve ourselves, but remember it is the mindset we have that makes change last. You are enough just as you already are. Embrace the process, and change will come when you are truly ready.
Hopefully these tips allow you to have the best 2023 possible. As always, if you need any support or help we are here offering in-person and virtual sessions in NYC. Please email us with any questions or inquiries at hello@thropetherapy.com
