Featured In: A Therapist Answers These Vulnerable Body Image Questions
Lily was featured in a blog post on Merrit Elizabeth Recovery:
“Lily Thrope is a licensed clinical social worker in New York and owner of Thrope Therapy. She works with young professionals dealing with various mental health conditions, specializing in body image issues, intuitive eating, anxiety, depression, relationship stress, trauma, low self-esteem, and LGBTQIA+ related concerns. In today’s discussion, I asked Lily a range of questions to explore the complexities of body image concerns, especially in a world where social media and societal beauty standards heavily influence our perception of our bodies.
Whether it’s navigating bad body image days, coping with negative thoughts, or finding ways to cultivate a more positive body image, Lily’s insights offer a great starting point for anyone struggling with their own body image.
1. What do you tell your clients on bad body image days? What can they do to overcome negative thoughts and begin fostering a healthier relationship with their body?
Let’s first reframe “bad” body image days. If we label the day a “bad” body image day, it becomes a failure. If I can help my clients realize that they are having a hard body image moment, they can start to acknowledge and accept that feelings towards their bodies can and will change throughout a day. The best strategy for difficult body image thoughts is to observe without judgement and get curious.
I encourage my clients to ask themselves, Is this thought a fact or or a feeling? What evidence do I have for this thought? If it’s a feeling, can I get curious about which part of me is showing up? (if you are not familiar with Internal Family Systems [IFS], highly recommend learning about it)
Practicing a more loving way of talking to yourself is a great first step towards a healthier relationship with your body. Unfortunately, we are mostly all fluent in the language of hating ourselves, criticizing ourselves and judging ourselves. If we can learn a new language of self acceptance, respect and love, it can make the difficult body image moments feel less intense.
Practice Acceptance around the changing feelings towards body image.
Observe thoughts with mindfulness. Is this a fact or a feeling?
Learn the language of positive self talk- and practice it
Let the feelings pass and be open to different feelings coming up
2. What would you suggest someone do if negative feelings about their body start taking over their daily life? How can they regain a sense of mental well-being and reconnect with parts of their body they struggle to accept?
Using rigid terms like “acceptance” can actually be hurtful in body image work. The relationship with the body really is a relationship. When we think about interpersonal relationships I am sure we are aware that there are ebbs and flows in our feelings towards our friends, partners or family.
This does not usually call into question if we love the person, but our feelings about the person can exist on a spectrum all within one day. The relationship with the body is similar. It is constantly fluctuating and our feelings or thoughts around our bodies are not facts.
One of the best ways to work on managing negative body thoughts is to practice mindfulness. Simply, mindfulness can be observing our thoughts with kindness and curiosity. We are all used to criticism and judgement, but the shift to kindness and curiosity can go a long way with healing body image.
Beyond the mindfulness approach, which can help with awareness of the thoughts, I like to ask the negative thought more about where it is coming from, why it is here and what part is showing up. The is a tool from the Internal Family Systems framework also known as parts work. I highly recommend checking out this book No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz to learn more about IFS.
Sometimes a negative body image thought can come from one of your internal parts having an unmet need. If we can get curious about that and honor that need in some way, the negative thought might dissipate or hold less value in your mind. If we can have an open dialogue with our bodies and our parts, we can do better at meeting our emotional and physical needs, which will lead to better feelings towards our bodies.
3. The 2000s thinfluencer vibe is back. What’s your take on this trend and the media influence it has on young people’s body image concerns?
UGH! It really does feel like we are back in the 2000s thinfluencer days. Trends are just what they sound like…. Trends. Trends are constantly changing and I hope this one changes soon. I think the rise of social media has been really hard on body image. Social media increases the urge to compare.
There is so much emphasis on what people need to do to “fix” themselves or “better” themselves. I always try to remind my clients that true health and healing doesn’t need to be sold. If someone is selling you a solution that hinges on you being the problem, run away.
True healing does not come from tearing ourselves apart, but rather building ourselves up and surrounding ourselves with a supportive community. I try to help clients curate their social media feed to be a supportive and happy place. I am worried about the amount of time people are online consuming information. A lot of the information online is not verified and can be harmful.
Even as someone who is recovered and works with ED’s, I find myself watching a video of someone else’s ideas of what “health” is and questioning myself. I like to call the marketing industry for diet culture online “psychological warfare.” Concepts that are core to human psychology are used against people to sell products and courses.
The wellness industry makes billions on people hating themselves. I like to think of not engaging in the wellness industry as my small form of resistance against this machine. I often see the after-effects of clients who were harmed by social media trends and often developed EDs or disordered eating directly from social media’s impact.
One of my favorite concepts for fighting the impact of social media is by helping clients discover what “standing in your truth” means. This mantra can be helpful in the face of trends. First, clients must identify their values and figure out what their truth is.
This can be a great thing to discuss in therapy or with other members of your treatment team. Using this phrase to connect deeply to your personal values can help you weather the constantly changing trends.
4. How do you help clients navigate a situation where a friend or family member is taking a weight loss drug? How can someone protect their mental wellness and avoid falling into a cycle of comparison or body dysmorphia?
I really feel this one. It is so challenging to have worked so hard on your relationship with yourself, your body and your eating disorder recovery to find out that family members or friends are choosing to pursue intentional weight loss. The conversation around GLP-1 medications is nuanced and complicated. It is hard to make direct statements about it, but I will share what has been coming up clinically.
The thing that I think is most upsetting about finding out that a family member is using a GLP-1 for weight loss is that it feels like they are valuing weight loss above anything else. It feels like they are saying, if you are not pursuing weight loss and shrinking yourself then you are less valuable. In actuality, I think people using these medications have been harmed by diet culture and our fatphobic world and just want to feel better.
This is an age-old issue of people assuming that when they lose weight they will magically feel better about themselves and have everything they want in life. I feel so much empathy towards the people who think they have to shrink themselves to be worthy of the things they want and also that they have been so harmed by diet culture to believe that they are not worthy as they are. So how can you protect your mental health and reduce comparison?
The best way to do this is in two parts. The first part is practicing acceptance. Accepting that others will make choices for their bodies and their decisions do not have to mean something about you and your choices.
Also, accepting that you are not making that choice and only you know what is best for you. This can be really empowering to state out loud to supportive community. The next part is community.
Finding a community that supports you and understands your decisions is incredibly helpful. Being in a space with others who are not pursuing intentional weight loss, and are focusing on accepting their bodies as they are, is so essential. This is exactly why I created Recovery Supper Club in NYC.
This is a monthly dinner for people in recovery from eating disorders, disordered eating, or chronic dieting who want to meet others who are not pursuing intentional weight loss. The goal of this dinner is to have a meal with friends free from diet talk, body shame and food noise. We can connect on a deeper level and remember that there are so many more interesting things to talk about other than food and bodies.
5. How do you guide clients struggling with body changes, especially those recovering from an eating disorder or dealing with health issues?
Body changes are inevitable. The amazing thing about our bodies is that they change and grow. I try to help clients honor the body changes as they come and work on their core beliefs as their bodies are changing.
Managing health issues and discomfort is an act of self care and self respect. One of my favorite metaphors for body changes is that it is like wearing a t-shirt that has a really itchy tag that you can’t cut off. If you can’t cut out the tag (i.e. change your body), what else can you do to provide yourself with comfort?
Can you add an undershirt so you don’t feel the tag as much? For body image, this would look like providing yourself with as much comfort as you can in the body you are currently in, rather than viewing changing your body as the only way to shift this. Some ideas could be getting new comfy clothes for this size, engaging in movement that is gentle, having meals with friends, getting a new haircut etc.
When it comes to health issues, the best thing to do is advocate for the best care at doctors’ offices and try to find providers that don’t focus on weight as the only contributor and solution to health issues. Finding providers that take a weight-inclusive and anti-diet approach is tough, but advocating for your needs can really help mitigate this. When you find a doctor to work with, you can share how you would like to be treated or bring along someone who can help advocate for a weigh-inclusive approach to your health needs.
Finding community can also be helpful here to discuss with others the challenges of our medical system.
6. What role do support groups and safe spaces play in helping people with body image issues? How can connecting with others — whether through a good friend or professional members of the mental health community — help reshape someone’s perception of their body?
Community is, hands down, one of the most healing things in recovery. There is a reason why AA is the most successful group program for mental health. Community and connection are SO healing.
Being held and holding others in their struggles and successes is incredibly powerful. When healing from body image challenges, our current society can feel isolating. Many people do not understand what it feels like to turn away from all the things that we are taught to hate about ourselves and shift towards neutrality for our bodies. Having time with people who really get it and are on the same path can prevent feelings of isolation.
Feeling less alone in this process can lead to quicker results. I highly recommend finding a free support group, like the ones offered at the National Alliance for Eating Disorders. https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com/groups/
7. How can someone start challenging societal beauty standards and build a more positive body image? What are some cognitive tools or practices they can use to counteract negative body image and embrace true beauty beyond physical appearance?
Challenging societal beauty standards and cultivating a more positive body image is a process that takes time, but it’s absolutely possible. Here are some cognitive tools and practices that I like to recommend to clients:
1. IDENTIFY AND CHALLENGE INTERNALIZED BELIEFS
Ask yourself: Where did I learn that my worth is tied to my appearance?
Mindfulness: Notice when negative body thoughts arise and challenge them with facts.
Utilize Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) to replace thoughts like “I’m only attractive if I’m thin” with “My body is valuable no matter its size.”
Use cognitive restructuring:
Negative thought: “I look horrible today.”
Reframe: “I don’t need to look a certain way to be worthy.”
Speak to yourself like you would a friend—kindly and with compassion.
2. SHIFT FOCUS FROM APPEARANCE TO APPRECIATION
Practice body gratitude: List things your body does for you instead of how it looks.
Remember your body is an instrument, not an ornament https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDowwh0EU4w
Example: Instead of criticizing your stomach, thank it for digesting food and keeping you alive.
3. CURATE A BODY-POSITIVE ENVIRONMENT
Unfollow social media accounts that promote unrealistic beauty standards.
Follow creators who share diverse body sizes, abilities, and identities.
Engage in communities that celebrate all bodies.
4. ENGAGE IN JOYFUL MOVEMENT
Move your body in ways that feel good, not as a punishment.
Ask: Do I enjoy this? Does this make me feel strong, free, or connected?
Try things like dance, yoga, walking and other low impact activities. Movement can be much more fun with a supportive community.
6. REJECT DIET CULTURE MESSAGES
Notice and question messages that equate thinness with health or worth.
Act in a form of resistance by not being sold things that will “fix” you. Remember your body is not something to be fixed; it is worthy just as it is today.
Learn about Intuitive Eating (IE) and weight-neutral health approaches. I highly recommend looking at the 10 principles of IE: https://www.intuitiveeating.org/about-us/10-principles-of-intuitive-eating/
7. PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION
Remind yourself: My worth is not measured by my body size.
Validate your emotions—body image struggles are real, but they don’t define you.
Learn the language of kindness and curiosity and let go of the language of criticism and judgement
8. ENGAGE IN VALUES-BASED LIVING
Reflect: What truly matters to me? (Kindness, connection, creativity, etc.)
Spend energy on what aligns with your values rather than chasing societal ideals.
